Life

Fasting

lacyhead — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 01:32:46 +0000

I have been thinking about fasting a lot lately. To sacrifice something to in order to eliminate any idols in life to draw closer to the one True God. Jesus fasted for 40 days before he went to the cross. Daniel fasted when he wanted to hear from the Lord with clarity. I want nothing in my life to be more important to me than my relationship with God. I want him to be number one. I have never fasted for that reason. I have always fasted because everybody else was doing it. I want to learn the discipline of fasting to clear my heart of everything but God. I want to go to new levels in my relationship with my Heavenly Father. I have never done anything drastic or truly out of my comfort zone to hear from God. I am tired of being mediocre in my walk. Starting tomorrow I am doing a 21 day fast. Liquid only. I have gone back and forth about what I would fast and this is the only one that would give me peace. I feel like food has become to much of an idol in my life instead of a tool. I want nothing to be more important than Him. Daniel 10 tells how Daniel fasted for three weeks and God spoke to him in a mighty way. I want that. I want to hear from the Lord. I want to be so empty of myself that He can fill me with HIM.

Lord, you are my author and finisher. Food is a tool and I have been taking it for granted. I am giving up solid food for three weeks, 21 days, so that I can hear you in a new way.

New beginnings

lacyhead — Thu, 03 Mar 2011 16:24:24 +0000

I got some exciting news today. My best friend is pregnant. I started crying with joy. I know that she has been wanting a baby for a while now and now her and her husband are finally going to have a baby. Plus in a few months they are moving to Florida and will only be about 3 hours away. So now my brother and his wife are pregnant and my best friend. And all I can think about it my oldest brother still not having seen his little girl who is now a little over two months old. my heart is joyful and heavy at the same time. I just want to make everything better for my brother. I want to take away the pain and bring him his little sweet girl. Of course I want to meet her to. But I am putting my selfish feelings aside and trying to lean on what my Heavenly Father is doing, even if I don’t understand whats going on. Sometimes I feel really selfish. I want to know when it is MY TURN. haha then I think about what that means. My turn. I am not very good at putting words together but I think about those two words in two ways. One way is selfish. When will it be my turn to be married, have children, be somebody. The other way is selfless. My turn is now to give my time and effort to what God is doing around me, will I give up my time and effort for him. I feel really selfish when I think about my turn or my time. I don’t want to be a”my” kinda girl. I want to be a selfless, Gods time, kinda girl. I get aggravated when someone tells me amazing news and all I think about is when will it be my turn. I am not thinking about them or truly rejoicing with them when all I think about is myself. Lord, more of you and less of me. Philippians 2:8 from the message bible says, ” Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn’t claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and the died a selfless obedient death-and the worst kind of death at that: a crucifixion.” That is my example. To be selfless and obedient in every circumstance. I just want to live that way. I want to put myself away everyday. Part of that is dying to myself. I need improvement in that area. More practice in dying to my selfish desires and wants. Lord, that is my desire. More of you and less of me.

Relationships

lacyhead — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 02:36:06 +0000

Such a big word. One of my goals in 2o11 is to make my relationships relevant and actually let people in my life. I have always had friends and family that loved me. But one of my friends once told me that I never let anybody get close enough to really know me and make myself vulnerable enough to really let people see who I am. I had another friend tell me that I was afraid of men. I don’t think that I was hurt by those statements. Just taken back because they are true. I saw how my parents were growing up and I guess I have put up a wall that wont let anybody get close enough for me to disappoint them. I am scared that if I actually do let someone in close enough to see the true me they will run away. Then I think about the very first boy who told me he loved me. We had a crush on each other at summer camp. We sent letters to each other in the mail for the next few months. Yea, like snail mail. Then we went to the Feast of Tabernacle together and we hung out all week. Had fun the whole week loved the gifts I received from him, a bracelet and a Dr. Pepper. But the last day of the feast, he sat with my family. He gave me a letter and a giga pet. I can’t tell you what the contents of the letter where but I do remember one thing that was at the bottom of the letter. He wrote in red letters, “I love you.” When I read that phrase, I freaked out. I threw the letter away before I even left the auditorium. When we got home I sent him a letter in the mail and told him I already had a boyfriend( which was not true). I threw all his letters away and never heard from him again. All this to say, I have no idea why I reacted the way I did and I would like to find that out. I want to know why I react the way I do and how I can really understand the walls I have put up and how I can take them down.

2011

lacyhead — Sun, 06 Feb 2011 13:51:10 +0000

A new year. So crazy to say we are in 2011. Wasnt there supposed to be flying cars and space homes by now? Right. Well my life is totally different. I live in Florida and I start a nanny job tomorrow.

God brought me to Florida to be a support for my brother. He is going thru a rough time right now. Sometimes he comes home and is so sad. I wish that I could make all things right and make him happy. But I know that God is working in his life and God will get all the glory for it.

I wish sometimes I could crawl in Gods head and heart and see the bigger picture. I think it would make things come in to perspective. I don’t need to see details, just the right directions to go and decisions to make.

God has been moving on me this year. I have never been able to make new years resolutions. Just one thing that I work on all year. A couple of years ago, my goal was to be better at making eye contact. I have mastered that. This year my goal is to work on my relationships. OMG why did I make this my goal. It is so hard. I want to cry every few hours. I know its going go make me stronger. I just want to be consistent with my friendships and relationships and family and every ship that comes on my path. God has really been dealing with me the past few days on being vulnerable and transparent. I asked a few of my friends a question to see what they would say and there answers really let me see into their heart. The question was, Would you say being vulnerable is being weak. I wont reveal who said what but I want you to see the answers, so here they are.

1) being vulnerable means you open yourself up and its is possible to get hurt because your open not because you are weak in general.

2) Being vulnerable is showing your weakness so I say being vulnerable means being strong in your spirit.

3)Vulnerable:unprotected in a place/time where danger is not readily recognised-e.i. A child alone is vulnerable to harm, that is why we should watch out for them .a women can be more vulnerable to assault because of her lack of physical strength compared to a man

4) I would say that it can in some situations be considered weak.

5) If you are making yourself vulnerable for the betterment of another person then that makes you a hero. Like if you are rescuing a child from a kidnapping for example. But if you are vulnerable to continued hurts from the same person for example, then that makes you weaker. But Christ became vulnerable on the cross for out betterment and that made him and us stronger. And also, when you choose to love someone, you are becoming vulnerable.

6) No-that is not to say that the weak are not vulnerable. The strong can allow themselves to be vulnerable by acknowledging a weakness knowing that some will think negatively toward them.

Wow. I thought after I got my answers. I can’t tell you i went to sleep thinking about butterflies and rainbows. I think I bit off more than I could chew. I went to our first Wednesday service and John Bevere was the speaker and he was talking about the Grace of God and how if we were to fully live in the true grace of God, we have to go forth even in our weakness knowing that His grace is what bridges the gap between what we can do ourselves and what he wants to use us for.

So then I go to thinking. Being vulnerable is acknowledging your weakness and working with the Grace of God to bring glory to His name in situations that are put in your path.

2 Corinthians 2:1-4 is Paul writing to the church in Corinth. To me it shows him being vulnerable and honest with them. That tells me that 1) vulnerability is being completely honest. Not holding back even when it brings you pain. You can feel Paul’s love for the Corinthians as he is telling them that he is not going to visit them because he knows it will just bring them pain. I also see another thing in this short passage. 2) Paul is putting aside his feelings for the sake of the ones he loves. Can we truly say that we are selfless when it comes to our decisions about our actions towards one another. I know for me I make decisions based off what I am feeling and how I will feel after. I am learning everyday that I is truly not about me. How can I say that it is. Not to say that I shouldnt take care of myself but that I make sure that when it comes to a decision that has to do with someone else, I have to make sure that I am making this decision keeping in mind the other person and their feelings.

So after I asked the question about vulnerability, i got to thinking what if vulnerability equals weakness. So I quick search vulnerability in the bible and came up with nothing. I probably didn’t look hard enough. So I thought ok I will search weakness. So I came across several Scriptures. What I did was when I read the scripture I replace weakness with vulnerability. Just in my head. I had a revelation.

Romans 8:26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness(vulnerability). We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.

1Corinthians 1:25 For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness(vulnerability) of God is stronger than human strength.

1Corinthians 2:3 I came to you in weakness(vulnerability) with great fear and trembling.

2 Corinthians 11:30 If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness(vulnerability).

2Corithians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness(vulnerability).” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses(vulnerabilities), so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

2 Corinthians 12:10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses(vulnerability), in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I think it’s intersting that most of the scriptures I found where in the chapters that I consider the love chapters.

My revelation was, I think its amazing that every time there was weakness(vulnerability), Gods grace and strength stood out. That when at the weakest point, trusting that God was the strength.

Being vulnerable is a self-sacrifice. You are giving up your most personal parts of your life and let people see you for who you truly are. One way I look at: You life is like a purse. All the contents in your purse can help you in your relationships. You meet a person and they have severe chapped lips. You know that you have chapstick in your purse but you have a phobia of germs. Are you going to look past your phobia and help them out? Or you meet someone who has been thru a rough time and you know how that feels, that why you have tissues in your purse so that if your hard times pop up again you will be ready. Will you share your tissues with that person, with the risk of running out of tissues for the next time you go thru a hard time? The whole point of Gods grace is that he has put stuff in our purse knowing that we will run out and that we have phobias, but asking us to trust him and lean not on our own understanding and lean on His grace. His grace is sufficient. We are called to be like Jesus, but only when we make ourselves vulnerable do we truly lean on His grace and trust that He knows what He is doing.

Gods Consistent Love!

lacyhead — Sun, 04 Jul 2010 13:34:55 +0000

My life has been super interesting lately. My best friend got married at the begining of May. It was a beautiful, annoitned ceremony. Over her wedding week I felt I was moving to Kansas City, MO. I accepted this and started making plans. My family was not feeling this move and strongly advised me to continue to pray and seek Gods face about this decision. I did and God kept putting the story of Abraham and Isaac in my heart. I realized that God was testing me with whether I would do something as crazy as sell all my stuff and move to a place where I didnt really know anybody or have a job or anything because he said to. It was kind of like He was saying are you really going to do what I ask. God gave me a ram just in time. I feel like he gave me another chance here in this world that he has placed me in. It is so humbling to be here and for him to trust me like he does. I feel like God wants me to join the choir at Highpoint church This past weekend, I signed up for touchpoints, choir, membership class and the young adult ministry. I havent heard from any of them all week. But i know that I have been obedian. This past week I have had the chance to share Gods love to a resident whos only consistent thing in there life is alcohol. It broke my heart to here that this was their constitent. I want to just hug them and let them know that God is the best constitent and will never let them down. I didnt want to sound like a crazy person so I prayed that the Holy Spirit would just speak thru me and I would let the words of love be used and not my own words. I let them know that God is the best consitent and always loves to hear from his children. It was late and they had an early day, so they said that they wanted to cotinue this conversation later. I just pray for them that whatever is said in the future that their heart be opened and that they truly see the love of God is constitent. I know that no one reads this blog but if you happen to stumble on it please pray that I be a witness to the pure constitent love of God.

This past week.

lacyhead — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 03:54:33 +0000

I am not sure where to start. You know its amazing how your week can start so good and then one little thing can set a domino effect on your week. I think it started about Tuesday. Someone told me they would do something and completely ignored me after that. Next, I had to actually learn new stuff at my job and work with people who were not exactly people I wanted to work with. That wasnt such a big deal. I know that is apart of life and a job. Then Thursday I found out that my grandmother went in for an MRI. She had brain cancer a few year ago and it went into remission. She leads a pretty healthy laid back life. I know that God has her in his hands and that the results are going to be favorable. I just wish I had heard from her and not a text saying not to be worried but…To top it off, someone who I know was found unconscious but breathing in their home. I don’t know where they are going if they die. That makes my heart hurt. I have been thinking about that all day today. I am watching their dog, Suki. Such a sweet dog. But I know he is sad. It’s amazing how dogs can sense that things aren’t right. I have been praying all day for them both. I have purpose this week that no matter what news I got that I would praise him in the storm. I feel so peaceful even though I am in a raging storm around me and uncertainty is lingering around me. My God is faithful and I know that everything happens for a reason. I am glad that I am able to spend tomorrow afternoon with Grandmother and Granddad. I love them so much and am so grateful that I am able to be their granddaughter. I am thankful that my God is faithful in that if He says he is going to do something he doesn’t back down on his word. I am thankful that I can trust that he will be there when I need him and he never leaves me.

My life in 2010, so far!

lacyhead — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 01:42:33 +0000

My life in 201o has been in the least a whirl wind. First my job changes. Not in a way that i got a new job. But the management company that I worked for was bought out and now I work under a new management company. That was such a hard transition because everything was uncertain. Yet my God is faithful and everything so far has gotten easier. Then I have met this guy. Now I have known him for about a year and a half but we have really just been acquaintances. Until the beginning of the year. We started hanging out more and he started calling and wanting to hang out. Now I am a girl of few, very few, guy friends, much less no past boyfriends. So I have questions that I want to know but have no clue who to ask. So I know no one reads this so I am going to ask on here. As I figure out the answers I will post them. I may never figure them out and that’s ok, at least I have asked them.

First off, If you are hanging out with a guy and you are getting the friend vibe, is it ok to text him since you are only friends with him? But if you think that there might be something else there, is it ok to text him and let him know that you are thinking about him? If he does like you, would he always try to bump fists? If he is just being friendly but you think that there is something else there, and you don’t text or call or try to hang out, will he stop being your friend? This is all coming from a girl who has never really had guy friends much less a single boyfriend. Ugh. I keep telling myself that he is just being friendly because it makes me comfortable to hang out with him. Because I don’t know if there is something there or not. I am actually in a constant state of confusion with him and may always be like that. But I am ok with that as long as he considers me his friend and doesn’t marry anybody else but me! lol I keep thinking about if he one day shows up with a girl friend and I am standing there with a fake smile on my face thinking to myself why I didn’t ever say anything. Dumb I know since we have only really been hanging out consistently for two weeks. I know that everything happens for a reason and I know that God is faithful. Whoever my husband is I pray that he be as crazy and fun and love Jesus and much as my friend does. Pretty much I know that this friend of mine fits everything that i have really ever asked for in a mate. To love Jesus above all. To love kids. To be funny. And to have brown eyes. Hazel is as close to brown and aqua is too blue. HAHA so cheesy

So that is my life so far in 2010. My God is super uber faithful and just because I don’t have everything I want, I most definitely have everything I need.

Love

lacyhead — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 03:49:36 +0000

Simple put ‘love’ is the single most easy and complicated word in the english language. One of my recent favorite artist is James Morrison. He has a song titled Love is Hard. Well said my amazing voiced friend. How can such a small word cause such termoil and joy all at the same time. Love is Hard. But well worth it. How can we have something and not work for it? Its something I dont completely understand physically because I have not really been in a relationship and experianced that kind of love. I have experianced the family kind of love, where I can be who I want and they love me no matter what. Or I have seen the fake love on tv. And the best love, Gods Love, I marvel in that love everyday and learn something new from it everyday. But I guess I cant really understand the earthly love that is supposedly life changing. I dont know why God hasnt let me experiance that side of love yet. Maybe I am not at that point in my life yet.

Today, one of the residents, who tells everybody that we will be together one day, asked me to go to a poetry reading with him. I have to say I was flattered. But I know his lifestyle and I cant say that he is the type of guy I see myself falling in love with. Now I know love is a choice, but there is also standerds that God has allowed me to put into place in my mind that I believe that protect me from heartache. Then I ask myself, what is true heartache? I cant say that I have really had a heartache life. I guess that is why I dont really know what it means to be hurt. But then again There was that one guy who promised me a bunch of stuff and then threw my heart on the ground in the short time that I knew him. Can I really be that easy? HAHA go figure, the one guy that I try to let in, I have bad judgement with. But I still wonder where he is. Is that a bad??? Who knows. God is faithful and I know that He wont throw my love hungry heart on the ground. He is the perfect gentleman. Never leaves me lonely. I could cry right now. Everything I have written so far is nothing that I wanted to write. I have all these thoughts and feelings rolling around in my head and I just dont know how to express them. It is so frustraighting. It makes my head hurt. I feel like I am ment for something else, but have no clue what.

My Father in Heaven,

You hold my heart in your hands. You know my thoughts and desires. You know every inch of me. Help me to trust in you to give me direction and to channel my desires to be your deisres. Give me your hands and feet. Dont let me stray for something that is temporary or just a momentary feeling. Let me keep my eyes on your will and the bigger picture that I may not see all of at the moment. Give me focus and direction. I love you with all the love that I can muster up. It may not be much but its all yours. Please accept my love as a thank you for everything you have done for me.

Your daughter and humble servant,

Lacy

Set Apart

lacyhead — Sun, 16 Aug 2009 19:22:37 +0000

Lately the word phrase “set apart” has been steady in my thoughts. Random? No. I dont think anything happens randomly. I truly belive that when your walking in Gods will nothing happens randomly.

So, I was talking to my mom the other day and I told her I have no friends. She was like dont speak so negatively. I dont really think that is negative talk. I told her at this point in my life I dont have anoybody in my life right now that I can hang out with or truly trust. I know that sounds so depressing. But I dont feel depressed. I dont feel sad or lonely. I have always considered myself very independent and always thought that I could be by myself and be ok. Well in the past few months I had really exprienced being by myself. At first it was hard and I thought I would go crazy. I think I have been walking thru this desert since January. Haha I keep thinking that my desert walk is over then God reminds me that I am not on my time and whenever I am ready he will bring me out. I always get impatient. So I pretend that I am out of the desert and try to have friends. HAHA I think God laughs at me. He probably tells the angels “look at Lacy, she is trying to do things her own way. I wish she would trust me.”

So here I am. In my desert. With my God. Letting him teach me what I need to know and letting him set me apart from everybody around me.

Nobody understand what it means to be set apart until you go thru it. I have such a peace about where I am. It is such a peaceful place.

When God brought me to dallas, I thought I could be like everybody else here. Just go to the bars and not drink. Go to the parties and not be apart of the party. I thought I could live in the world and a do my own thing and not be apart of it. Man I was so wrong. I am so weak. I cant be apart of world and please god at the same time.

I have been wasting my time trying to do things my way. I am done with that. I want to do things His way now. Now, I know that I might be in this season for a while but I am finally ok with that. I am ok with going home and being by myself. I want to be a pleasing fragrence to Him. I want to make him smile. I dont care if people think I am crazy, all i care about is what He thinks of me.

Lacy

2009-No doubt!

lacyhead — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 17:39:50 +0000

So, 2009 has been very interesting. Started off the year as concierge at my job. By June I had been promoted to leasing consultant. Totally God. I knew it was the next step but, as much as I love change, I get really nervous when I know my life is about to be different. So I got an apartment by myself and I love it so much. So now my commute to work is two minutes instead of 45minutes. What a blessing. God has such unexplanable favor on my life. Just short stories of my life up until now. Whats going on in my life now is just life.

Heather and I are praying for our families for the month of July. Just trying to intercede on their behalf. But God has been speaking to me about trust in Him and having undivided faith in Him. I went to a biblestudy a few weeks ago and we discussed having faith in God and not doubting. The bible talks about how you cant doubt. I have always thought that means absolutly no doubt in my life. But at the biblestudy we read a scripture that said no doubt in your heart. The guy who was doing the biblestudy asked what we thought that ment. And it was like God showed me, dont doubt in your heart. If God speaks something to your heart and you know your supposed to do it, the devil will most definately try and put doubt in your mind and persuade you to not obey. We, as christians, are to not let that doubt into our hearts. Basicly, when God tells you to do something or go somewhere or say something, even though your flesh is screaming at you to not do it and you are scared out of your mind, God has given you a charge and you are to do it. He will see your heart and bless you because of your obedience. God doesnt make us do stuff to hurt us or make us look bad. He moves us to do stuff for His glory. I am a living testimony of that. I moved from Baton Rouge, Louisiana to Dallas, Texas, with no idea of why I am moving or what I am going to do. I was scared out of my mind and nervous and doubting myself left and right. But without a shadow of a doubt I know that God called me to Dallas and I am here to be an example of Gods love. He has presented several opportunities for me to be vocal about my faith. But for the most part I here to show the love God has for his children. I cant say that I have been perfect at it or been the best example. I cant say why God called me to this mission field. But I can say that because I was obedient, God has never left me in need or left me high and dry. He has always provided and always taken care of simple things that I had just dreamed of. He has used my dreams to speak to me and to encourage others in ways that I could not have imagined.

God has placed me in Dallas for a reason and even if I still am not fully sure why I am here, I am loving every minute of it. And each day I am here I have a deeper love for Dallas. God is awesome and He is the best Heavenly Father. He loves me in my weakness and I am growing more as I learn how much He truly does love me where I am.