Life

I have been thinking about fasting a lot lately. To sacrifice something to in order to eliminate any idols in life to draw closer to the one True God. Jesus fasted for 40 days before he went to the cross. Daniel fasted when he wanted to hear from the Lord with clarity. I want nothing in my life to be more important to me than my relationship with God. I want him to be number one. I have never fasted for that reason. I have always fasted because everybody else was doing it. I want to learn the discipline of fasting to clear my heart of everything but God. I want to go to new levels in my relationship with my Heavenly Father. I have never done anything drastic or truly out of my comfort zone to hear from God. I am tired of being mediocre in my walk. Starting tomorrow I am doing a 21 day fast. Liquid only. I have gone back and forth about what I would fast and this is the only one that would give me peace. I feel like food has become to much of an idol in my life instead of a tool. I want nothing to be more important than Him. Daniel 10 tells how Daniel fasted for three weeks and God spoke to him in a mighty way. I want that. I want to hear from the Lord. I want to be so empty of myself that He can fill me with HIM.

Lord, you are my author and finisher. Food is a tool and I have been taking it for granted. I am giving up solid food for three weeks, 21 days, so that I can hear you in a new way.

I got some exciting news today. My best friend is pregnant. I started crying with joy. I know that she has been wanting a baby for a while now and now her and her husband are finally going to have a baby. Plus in a few months they are moving to Florida and will only be about 3 hours away. So now my brother and his wife are pregnant and my best friend. And all I can think about it my oldest brother still not having seen his little girl who is now a little over two months old. my heart is joyful and heavy at the same time. I just want to make everything better for my brother. I want to take away the pain and bring him his little sweet girl. Of course I want to meet her to. But I am putting my selfish feelings aside and trying to lean on what my Heavenly Father is doing, even if I don’t understand whats going on. Sometimes I feel really selfish. I want to know when it is MY TURN. haha then I think about what that means. My turn. I am not very good at putting words together but I think about those two words in two  ways. One way is selfish. When will it be my turn to be married, have children, be somebody. The other way is selfless. My turn is now to give my time and effort to what God is doing around me, will I give up my time and effort for him. I feel really selfish when I think about my turn or my time. I don’t want to be a”my” kinda girl. I want to be a selfless, Gods time, kinda girl. I get aggravated when someone tells me amazing news and all I think about is when will it be my turn. I am not thinking about them or truly rejoicing with them when all I think about is myself. Lord, more of you and less of me. Philippians 2:8 from the message bible says, ” Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn’t claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and the died a selfless obedient death-and the worst kind of death at that: a crucifixion.” That is my example. To be selfless and obedient in every circumstance. I just want to live that way. I want to put myself away everyday. Part of that is dying to myself. I need improvement in that area. More practice in dying to my selfish desires and wants. Lord, that is my desire. More of you and less of me.