Life

Simple put ‘love’ is the single most easy and complicated word in the english language. One of my recent favorite artist is James Morrison. He has a song titled Love is Hard. Well said my amazing voiced friend. How can such a small word cause such termoil and joy all at the same time. Love is Hard. But well worth it. How can we have something and not work for it? Its something I dont completely understand physically because I have not really been in a relationship and experianced that kind of love. I have experianced the family kind of love, where I can be who I want and they love me no matter what. Or I have seen the fake love on tv. And the best love, Gods Love, I marvel in that love everyday and learn something new from it everyday. But I guess I cant really understand the earthly love that is supposedly life changing. I dont know why God hasnt let me experiance that side of love yet. Maybe I am not at that point in my life yet.

Today, one of the residents, who tells everybody that we will be together one day, asked me to go to a poetry reading with him. I have to say I was flattered. But I know his lifestyle and I cant say that he is the type of guy I see myself falling in love with. Now I know love is a choice, but there is also standerds that God has allowed me to put into place in my mind that I believe that protect me from heartache.  Then I ask myself, what is true heartache?  I cant say that I have really had a heartache life. I guess that is why I dont really know what it means to be hurt. But then again There was that one guy who promised me a bunch of stuff and then threw my heart on the ground in the short time that I knew him. Can I really be that easy? HAHA go figure, the one guy that I try to let in, I have bad judgement with. But I still wonder where he is. Is that a bad??? Who knows. God is faithful and I know that He wont throw my love hungry heart on the ground. He is the perfect gentleman. Never leaves me lonely. I could cry right now. Everything I have written so far is nothing that I wanted to write. I have all these thoughts and feelings rolling around in my head and I just dont know how to express them. It is so frustraighting. It makes my head hurt. I feel like I am ment for something else, but have no clue what.

My Father in Heaven,

You hold my heart in your hands. You know my thoughts and desires. You know every inch of me. Help me to trust in you to give me direction and to channel my desires to be your deisres. Give me your hands and feet. Dont let me stray for something that is temporary or just a momentary feeling. Let me keep my eyes on your will and the bigger picture that I may not see all of at the moment. Give me focus and direction. I love you with all the love that I can muster up. It may not be much but its all yours. Please accept my love as a thank you for everything you have  done for me.

Your daughter and humble servant,

Lacy

Lately the word phrase “set apart” has been steady in my thoughts. Random? No. I dont think anything happens randomly. I truly belive that when your walking in Gods will nothing happens randomly.

So, I was talking to my mom the other day and I told her I have no friends. She was like dont speak so negatively. I dont really think that is negative talk. I told her at this point in my life I dont have anoybody in my life right now that I can hang out with or truly trust. I know that sounds so depressing. But I dont feel depressed. I dont feel sad or lonely. I have always considered myself very independent and always thought that I could be by myself and be ok. Well in the past few months I had really exprienced being by myself. At first it was hard and I thought I would go crazy. I think I have been walking thru this desert since January. Haha I keep thinking that my desert walk is over then God reminds me that I am not on my time and whenever I am ready he will bring me out. I always get impatient. So I pretend that I am out of the desert and try to have friends. HAHA I think God laughs at me. He probably tells the angels “look at Lacy, she is trying to do things her own way. I wish she would trust me.”

So here I am. In my desert. With my God. Letting him teach me what I need to know and letting him set me apart from everybody around me.

Nobody understand what it means to be set apart until you go thru it. I have such a peace about where I am. It is such a peaceful place. 

When God brought me to dallas, I thought I could be like everybody else here. Just go to the bars and not drink. Go to the parties and not be apart of the party. I thought I could live in the world and a do my own thing and not be apart of it. Man I was so wrong. I am so weak. I cant be apart of world and please god at the same time.

I have been wasting my time trying to do things my way. I am done with that. I want to do things His way now. Now, I know that I might be in this season for a while but I am finally ok with that. I am ok with going home and being by myself. I want to be a pleasing fragrence to Him. I want to make him smile. I dont care if people think I am crazy, all i care about is what He thinks of me.

Lacy

So, 2009 has been very interesting. Started off the year as concierge at my job. By June I had been promoted to leasing consultant. Totally God. I knew it was the next step but, as much as I love change, I get really nervous when I know my life is about to be different. So I got an apartment by myself and I love it so much. So now my commute to work is two minutes instead of 45minutes. What a blessing. God has such unexplanable favor on my life. Just short stories of my life up until now. Whats going on in my life now is just life.

Heather and I are praying for our families for the month of July. Just trying to intercede on their behalf. But God has been speaking to me about trust in Him and having undivided faith in Him. I went to a biblestudy a few weeks ago and we discussed having faith in God and not doubting. The bible talks about how you cant doubt. I have always thought that means absolutly no doubt in my life. But at the biblestudy we read a scripture that said no doubt in your heart. The guy who was doing the biblestudy asked what we thought that ment. And it was like God showed me, dont doubt in your heart. If God speaks something to your heart and you know your supposed to do it, the devil will most definately try and put doubt in your mind and persuade you to not obey. We, as christians, are to not let that doubt into our hearts. Basicly, when God tells you to do something or go somewhere or say something, even though your flesh is screaming at you to not do it and you are scared out of your mind, God has given you a charge and you are to do it. He will see your heart and bless you because of your obedience. God doesnt make us do stuff to hurt us or make us look bad. He moves us  to do stuff for His glory. I am a living testimony of that. I moved from Baton Rouge, Louisiana to Dallas, Texas, with no idea of why I am moving or what I am going to do. I was scared out of my mind and nervous and doubting myself left and right. But without a shadow of a doubt I know that God called me to Dallas and I am here to be an example of Gods love. He has presented several opportunities for me to be vocal about my faith. But for the most part I here to show the love God has for his children. I cant say that I have been perfect at it or been the best example. I cant say why God called me to this mission field. But I can say that because I was obedient, God has never left me in need or left me high and dry. He has always provided and always taken care of simple things that I had just dreamed of.  He has used my dreams to speak to me and to encourage others in ways that I could not have imagined.

God has placed me in Dallas for a reason and even if I still am not fully sure why I am here, I am loving every minute of it. And each day I am here I have a deeper love for Dallas. God is awesome and He is the best Heavenly Father. He loves me in my weakness and I am growing more as I learn how much He truly does love me where I am.

So I am officially a Texan. I got my tags for my car yesterday and I got my Texas Drivers License. Its so crazy that it took me a year. But now here I am, a texan.  I dont know about anybody else but 2009 has been a real struggle for me. This year I have wanted to grow closer to God and just learn all I can from the bible. It has been so tough. I keep falling, making mistakes and messing stuff up. But I working harder than before to make sure that I keep my self pure and to stay focused on my Lord. He is so faithful wether I am in Texas or Louisiana.

I wrote yesterday about your heart flowing our of your mouth and what you put in your heart will come out of your mouth. Well last night I had a dream that I was with a bunch of people and I was so thirsty. I would get something to drink and then it would be gone and I was still thirsty. Then I got this clear bottle and there was water in it but it was frozen and there was a little room left at the top so i filled that with water. I started drinking out of the bottle and the water all melted and I just kept drinking and it never got empty. I carried that bottle everywhere and even though I was still thirsty I always had that bottle and I just drank out of it like I had never had water. The water that came out of that bottle was so pure and satisfying.

I just thought that was really incredible that I would write about the fountain of life yesterday and then have this dream. I think it meant that I need to make sure that the water I let flow in my heart better be the water of life, the everlasting water. So that I may get thirsty but I will always have a drink to satisfy me and that I need to drink from that source continually.

I woke up today and I was so thirsty. I just cant get enough water today. That dream was so real.

Make sure you are drinking from the river of life.

Its amazing how God created the heart and mouth to work together. You know like wind and rain, cars and the road. Its just amazing that God would gives us a choice weither to choose words of life or words of death. He lets us choose to put wisdom in our hearts or foolishness. So many times people put foolishness in there hearts and dont invite the life giving fountain to live in there hearts. All that does is make them thirst for something that is getting them closer to death. I love how God new we would choose death and he gave us a way out. Jesus. What a gift. Oh that I might bless His ears with my words, for that is the least I could do for my Lord who gave me His son so that I could have life flow from my mouth. Dont let vain things come out of yur mouth. Let every word have a purpose behind it. Make sure everyword that comes out of your mouth be glorifying to our Father. Let also make sure that our hearts are soaked in the word and full of wisdom from the most high God. We want our words to be refreshing and life giving.

Isaiah 50:4 The sovereign Lord has given me his words of wisdom, so that I know what to say to all there weary ones. Morning by morning he wakens me and opens my understanding to his will.

Lord, I want your understanding. I want you to awaken me morning by morning. I want to know what to say to the weary ones. I know you have words that are perfect for each situation and I just want to walk so surrendered to you that I say whats on your heart the broken and hurting. God I want to wake up each morning and just receive from you something new each day. I want to know your heart so much that I can just be quiet and hear your heart beating. I want to know what your heart beats for. I want my heart to beat for what your heart beats for. I want each word that comes out of my mouth to be a morsel of your love. I want my lips to be the wellspring of life.

Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do.

Proverbs 18:4 A persons words can be life-giving water; words of true wisdom are as refreshing as a bubbling brooke.

God I want to be a lover of the truth. I want to learn everything.

So supposedly Obama is our next president. So whats next for us as christians? What are we supposed to do now? When I saw John McCain giving his speech about basicly giving up, a thought came into my mind, the devil may have won this batte but Jesus has won the war!!! Obama may be our next president, but to all christians who live there lives sold out to Jesus, God is still in control and we have nothing to fear. I may want to cry because I have no idea what this means for our country besides disaster but I know that I serve a mighty God and he is in complete control of my life and I have nothing to fear. Lets not let this become a reason to back down and give up. This should be a boost point for us to step up in everything, prayer, fasting, seeking Gods face continually. Now more than ever this country needs something to look to that is not going to say one thing and do another and this country is going to be looking for a safe place in this caos. God is the answer that we have and we should not hide our answer. This isn’t grade school, its not cheating to share the answer! Seriously we need to be bold about Jesus. I am talking about myself as well. Don’t give up we are right there. God loves you, plan and simple.

If you were writting a book, what would this chapter be titled? That question just popped in my head while I was working. What would I title the chapter I am in now? HMMM? Let me think for a minute…………..Maybe something like “Trust.” Lately God have been teaching me to trust him more and more. That I dont have to worry about the little things…or the big things. God is in Control. What would your chapter be called.

Sitting here at work can get a little slow, boring, not to exciting. So I have a little time to think. Tonight we are having a movie night and we are showing What Happens in Vegas. Its kind of a chick flick so we turned it into girls night. We have a salad bar and Donna brought out the wine, of which I wont have any, but I have heard like four people call it a chick night. Now, me, coming from Healing Place, is nothing like this. As I sat there and ate my salad, I thought, these girls dont really know what chick night is. Jesus, Christina Cain, Delynn Rizzo, the choir, goodies godly women surrounding you. How I miss them. I have made it my goal to get involved with fellowship. I have to make a class and start serving somewhere. I kinda want to do childrens but I am not sure if that is were God wants me to serve. I will pray about it and see where he is leading me. I am excited to see where he is taking me. Right now I am just so hungry for more of Him. I bought this womens devotional that I started but havent takin seriously. I am starting to get into it and really focus on what He is saying to me. I want to hear his voice and I want to be his vessel.

So, today I was thinking about some phrases that are catchy and are sometimes referred to as proverbs. Like, Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. WHAT!!! When i think about that one I always think about the scene from The Brothers Grimm with Heath Ledger where the bugs are in the horses mouth. Gross. I know thats not what it means but thats what I think about. What about this one…Don’t count your chickens before they hatch. Now that is totally what is going on in my life. Whenever I knew I was going to move to Dallas I thought, I’ll move to Dallas, live with g and g for a month or two and then get an apartment. Well, it didnt work out that way. But I should have known because most of the time my plans that arent alligned with Gods plans dont work out. So now here I am, still living with g and g. Don’t get me wrong, I love living with them. They are amazing and I am so glad that I get this time with them. I don’t know how much longer they will be around and I am so glad I get to live with them. But when you go from living on your own to living with ‘rents, wether your parents or grandparents, its tough. You have to walk around decent and you cant blast your music as loud as you want. So I am a little anxious to move out. But I know that in Gods time he will open that door and lead me through it. But back to the eggs, My manager told me that I was getting a raise. Thank you Jesus. She said that she would talk to me the next day about it. So I drive home and all the way home I am thinking, I could pay off my credit card and get my car worked on and i could do this and that. Then on the way to work I was thinking, I wonder how much of a raise and whats a normal raise. I was praying for like an $8 raise but then I was like that might be a little crazy so I told myself that  $1 raise would be wonderful. Well the day came and went and I heard nothing. And the thought, don’t count your chickens before they hatch, came to my mind. Then I that scripture about his ways are not our ways and his thoughts are not our thoughts came to mind. So if I pray for an $8 raise is that just crazy thinking or would God actually do that? I know he is a big God, but is there a line you arent supposed to cross? All that kinda messes with my mind. Ya know. And you always here that we should dream big and we think so small compared to God.

Oh Father, that I dont short change myself because of small thinking and dreaming. Tell me your thoughts and your ways. Teach me the boundaries you have